Hi Gorgeous Goddesses,
I have a vivid memory of myself as a 4 year old. I stood in front of a mirror and just looked at myself. I looked into my eyes, I looked at every feature of my face, I twirled and looked at my body from all sides and angles and with a big smile I approved and delighted with everything I saw. I thought I was awesome. I loved every part of me. I wouldn’t have me any other way.
This is such a strong memory because it is so radically different from how I felt about myself ever since.
I don’t know when it started.
It crept on slowly and gradually.
Messages…
Lies…
Misinformation…
Other people’s hurts and confusions…
Subtle hints…
All adding up and accumulating.
All stealing my delight in myself.
Until…
Another memory, of me as a teenager, lying on my bed, imagining that I am taking a knife and cutting off all of my female parts because I hated them so much.
Followed by years of self loathing.
Food addiction and compulsion.
Unable to look at myself in the mirror.
Deep self-hatred.
What happened to me?
What happened to us?
Why are so many women plagued with self-hatred or it’s milder version, dissatisfaction with themselves?
You are infected if:
You think any part of you is “too big”.
Think any part of you is “too ugly”.
Think any part of you is “too anything”.
You cringe when you look in the mirror.
You think of plastic surgery or getting “fixed”.
Buy products because you feel bad about yourself.
Look at other women and wished you had their _____ (fill in the blank).
You refuse to buy clothes that fit you now.
You “reward” yourself for weight loss.
You starve yourself.
You wait to change before you can live your life fully.In my 30+ years of working with thousands of women it became crystal clear that we ALL got these messages no matter what culture we came from, how loving our family was and how our looks fit into the cultural ideal. I have had clients who were fashion models, who looked stunning and were the envy of every woman who looked at them, and they felt bad about themselves just as much.
It is global, every culture has it’s own version of devaluing women in one way or another and the way we tend to internalize it is by thinking that there is something wrong with us and with our bodies. It is personal because we all have our own stories of what happened to us, the words that we heard, the things that we saw, some of us were abused, some ridiculed, some objectified, some dismissed and some admired in off ways.
It is part of every woman’s healing journey to reclaim her total delight with herself.
Now.
Exactly as she is.
Before making any changes.
I invite you to entertain the following thoughts and questions:
What if there is NOTHING wrong with me and there never was?
What if every time I feel bad about how I look it has nothing to do with the truth and everything to do with what I was wrongfully taught?
What if my natural state is to be completely pleased with myself?
I must confess that I am not there yet.
I still have thoughts and feelings of dissatisfaction.
That little 4 year old has not made a complete come back.
But every day I am walking towards her.
I am noticing where my thoughts are not aligned with her delight and I choose not to believe them.
You can choose that too. All my love,
xoxo
Rachel
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